


Everyone's a critic

by curlydots



Series: The good things in life [2]
Category: Batman (Comics), DCU (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Police Officer Dick Grayson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-05-17 09:16:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14829527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/curlydots/pseuds/curlydots
Summary: When Dick comes down with the flu Jason winds up picking up the slack for his boyfriend.





	Everyone's a critic

**Author's Note:**

> I got the urge to write more dumb Jaydick so I guess this is just gonna be a series now. This'll make much more sense if you've read part one but tbh it's all just silly fluff anyway so do whatever you want

Most of the time Jason thought he was in pretty good shape. Even if sometimes he smoked more than he should, he still ran most mornings and volunteered at a kid's Taekwondo studio. Maybe he didn't always get 8 hours of sleep but he wasn't doing too bad, he thought.

At least he used to think that until a week earlier when he’d gone to a bar and the very tipsy cop he was dating had said "hey, wanna see something cool?" and then proceeded to contort himself like a pretzel, put his feet on his head, and then take a shot.

It'd gotten him quite a few cheers at the bar and made Jason a little clingy to confirm that yes, the super flexible hottie was in fact taken and yes, the next person who asked how useful his flexibility was in the bedroom would be getting his fist through their teeth. Admittedly he was a little curious about Dick’s flexibility too, but he knew how to not be a pig about it.

The point was that Dick was in ridiculously good shape, which is why when he came down with the flu a few months after their first date Jason was about 80% concerned and 20% smug. Dick had been sending him dramatic texts all day about how he probably had the plague and asking Jason if he'd take care of his cat when he died. Apparently his siblings would be fine on their own. _I don't really think you could handle them_ was how Dick put it, which was a little insulting since he hadn't been killed by Damian yet.

Even if he definitely wasn't dying Jason figured it wouldn't hurt to swing by his apartment and check in. He did genuinely want to be helpful and he'd made soup, but if he was being honest he really liked the thought of snuggling up with his moopey and sniffly boyfriend. That probably said something about him but Jason had gotten his flu shot and was willing to accept that.

But unfortunately luck wasn’t on his side that day because it was one Damian Wayne, age 11 and 3/4ths, who answered the door that afternoon, effectively killing any plans of Jason playing nurse.

Damian looked him in the eyes for all of two seconds, his face completely expressionless. And then slammed the door shut.

Jason sighed. "Yeah, that's about right."

"Who was that?" he heard Dick ask.

"Girl Scouts. No need to worry."

"Wait, go ask them if they have Samoas!"

"They only had Thin Mints. It was amateur hour out there."

Jason knocked again.

"Girl Scouts, huh?"

"Just a moment, I'll chase them off."

"No you won't. Tim, would you mind?"

"Yeah, I got it."

"Don't you dare Drake. Wait! Damn you!"

Dick had shown off enough pictures for him to recognize Tim on sight but since they’d never met Jason had started to suspect that he was a ghost. Jason had come over a couple of times at this point and hadn't seen any trace of the kid. The fact that Tim answered the door that day, not looking surprised to see him, probably meant that he was a little real. Damian was right behind him, pulling on his hoodie with his heels dug into the carpet. Jason tried not to look too relieved that Dick's other brother didn't outwardly seem to be a psychopath.

"Fraid I'm fresh out of thin mints," Jason said.

"Hey," Tim said briefly. He stepped back to let him in and then turned towards the living room. "Your boyfriend’s here." The B-word made Jason's stomach feel weird. He hadn’t referred to Dick that way out loud yet.

The apartment was much messier than it'd been last time. Their table was covered in books and tissues and there was a very faint litter box smell coming from somewhere, though he didn't see their cat.

Dick was sitting cross legged on the couch with a thick blanket draped over his shoulders. His face was red and his eyes were puffy. He perked up at the sight of Jason but he still looked bad.

"What are you doing here Jay?" Dick asked. His voice sounded stuffy and congested. Fuck, he was adorable.

"Nothing big," Jason said, playing it cool. "Just wanted to come by and make fun of you. Brought soup too."

"You're such a mom." He took the bag from Jason and peaked inside. "What is it, chicken noodle?"

"Potato actually. With little pieces of bacon in it." Jason sat down on the arm of the couch and brushed hair out of Dick's forehead. "Damn officer, you're hotter than normal."

"Didn't think that was possible," Dick said. He leaned over so his head was on Jason's side. "I'm pretty darn hot."

"True enough."

Behind them Damian gagged loudly. Jason moved his hand and tried to get his thoughts back in a more PG-13 direction. "Hey weirdo, do you want some soup too?"

Damian gagged louder.

"It was really sweet of you to make so much but Damian is a vegetarian."

"Damn, that's unfortunate." He ignored Damian rolling his eyes. "So, why didn't you get a flu shot?"

"Ugh," Dick moaned "I've been busy and forgot. Okay? It's barely even flu season yet."

"It happens when you work 24/7," Tim muttered. He was coming in from the kitchen, holding a mug of tea.

Dick sat up in alarm, holding his arms out in front of him. "Not so close Tim! I'm not getting you sick."

"I'm just handing you a cup of tea."

"We can't risk it till you get your shot. Damian?"

"This is ridiculous," Damian said, passing the cup between Tim and Dick. "At this point you're nothing but a hindrance."

"Don't call your brother a hindrance," Dick said.

"I'll stop calling him a hindrance when he stops being one."

"There should at least be one person here who's old enough to drive if Dick gets worse."

"Lying ingrate! You've been trying to find a moment to sneak out all day."

Jason raised an eyebrow, not entirely sure what was happening.

"Have not. I've just been texting my friends," Tim said. "You know, friends? Those people who hang out with you without being your legal guardian?"

"Damian," Dick said. "Could you punch Tim in the arm for me please?"

"With pleasure," Damian said, socking Tim on the shoulder.

"Thanks."

"You guys are weird," Jason said. He dropped himself onto the couch, arms spread around the back and only a little curled around Dick. "You know, since I'm here you can leave if you want to. Both of you can."

“Excuse me?” Damian asked.

"That's a great idea actually. You guys can - " Dick interrupted himself with a loud sneeze. "Ugh. You can go to Damian’s art exhibit."

"No," Tim and Damian said in unison.

"Finally they can agree on something.”

"Art exhibit?" Jason asked.

"Damian's school is showing off a bunch of student art today," Dick explained. "His painting is probably going to win an award because he's basically a tiny brown Picasso."

"The entire show is pointless," Damian said. "I already know I'm the best artist at my school. I hardly need some silly award to prove it."

"But they're going to be showing off all your art! You have to go and you have to show off how great you are and you have to take a bunch of pictures for me since I can't go."

"Sounds like a plan," Jason said, eyeing Dick. "Go for it kids. Have fun. Lots of pictures. Take your time down there too." It'd be the first time the two of them had an apartment to themselves. Dates were awesome and all but it really would be nice to have some actual alone time that wasn't squeezed into the back of Dick's car. Jason's apartment wasn't an option when his next door neighbor didn't know how to sell meth quietly, and he hadn't yet had a proper conversation with Dick about all the guns he owned.

Dick nodded. "You can take the car. As long as you drive safe it shouldn't be a big deal."

"Yup. Bye kids. Drive safe."

"Wouldn't it be better if Jason went?" Tim said.

Jason blinked. He’d been imagining having the apartment alone with his pretzel boyfriend. "Huh?"

"I only just got my license," Tim continued, "and I'd had to take the highway to get to Damian's school."

"What the hell are you doing?”

"Plus it's supposed to rain soon. I probably shouldn't be driving through all that, right?"

Dick frowned. "But Jason rode all the way out here. I can't ask him to do that."

"Yeah! That’s right!" Jason felt a rush of relief.

"Jason's also allergic to cats," Tim said.

His mouth fell open. "What the fuck? How did you know _that_?"

"It was in Damian's notes."

Damian tried to punch him again only for Tim to step out of the way. "Stop going through my stuff, you rat!"

"Wait, wait, time out. You're allergic to cats?" Dick asked. He hated how upset Dick's voice sounded.

"Just...a little allergic."

"No, he's pretty damn allergic. He's been taking shots."

"Kid, I swear to god," Jason said.

"Hold on, so last Sunday when we were having - " Dick cut himself off. "Lunch. And I was wearing the sweater that Alfred always likes to nap on and you started sneezing it wasn't because you'd been cooking spicy food earlier, you were just being an idiot?"

Jason opened his mouth and then closed it. He'd taken so much Benadryl that night he'd slept straight through his alarm clock and woken up in the middle of the afternoon.

"You're an evil little shit, Tim Drake!" Jason hissed.

"It's settled then." Tim shrugged a shoulder. "For the sake of his health Jason will have to be the one to go. Sorry."

Dick turned to him, frowning slightly. "I guess...would you mind?"

"Hey, for all you know I could be a serial killer! We've only been going out for a couple months and I've got a shady past. You really want to leave me with your 11 year old brother?"

"As if you'd be a match for me."

All three of them looked over at Dick who sniffed miserably in response. "No," he said firmly. "I'm too sick to play the bad guy. Damian, you're going to pick."

"I pick no one."

"Not an option. Jason or Tim."

Tim's eyes flashed. "If you leave me here I might get sick too."

Damian hummed. "Interesting offer."

That definitely wasn't going to happen. "I've got a CPR license and I've taken a bunch of first aid classes. Clearly I'm the better option to take care of Dick."

"You want this guy going through our apartment?"

"You want this guy showing up at your school?" Jason gestured at himself. "I smell like an ashtray dipped in gasoline. That's social suicide buddy."

Damian scowled. "I'd would legitimately rather die than be seen in public with you."

"Exactly!" Jason nodded in agreement. "I don't think we've got the time for a Princess Diaries montage either so you're gonna be stuck with four eye's Anne Hathaway."

Tim stared at him silently, a hand under his chin. Jason could've sworn the room suddenly got colder. "Okay Damian, think about this," he said slowly. "Who would you rather leave your sick, defenseless brother home alone with?"

 

"That boy is fucking evil," Jason said, as he and Damian walked towards Dick's car.

"Yes, I'm aware," Damian said. "But at least I know he doesn't drool over Richard."

"Your brother happens to be really into the drooling."

Damian slapped his hands over his ears. "Not one more word!"

Jason sighed and pulled out Dick's keys, briefly considering just throwing some money at Damian and telling the kid to go watch a movie instead. But then he remembered Dick and the ridiculously happy expression he'd had when Jason agreed.

"It might be fun," Dick had said, his smile like staring directly into high beams on a rainy night. "Plus you'll get to be more involved."

And of course, Dick had prefaced it all with a genuine _You really don't have to go if you don't want to_ which had pretty much sealed the deal. Like he had the ability to say no to Dick. The bastard.

It was strange that Dick could say things like "I want you to be a part of my life" and "you're a good man and I have faith in you" without it sounding sarcastic, as if Jason were the type of person who he wanted to have a future with. It was equal parts thrilling and terrifying to hear Dick talk about him like he was already part of his family, and like he assumed Jason always would be. Sure Jason liked him, and maybe had a really lame dream one time where they were all wrinkly and their adopted kids made them bad macaroni art and called him Grandpa Jay, but they'd only been dating a few months. Dick was way too quick to trust him.

As he was putting on his seat belt his phone vibrated. He saw Damian pull out his phone at the same time as he did. It was a text from an unknown number, to him and Damian.

The text read: _Dick said take lots of pictures._ And then a second later: _Have fun guys!!_ :)

Right after he sent a quick _fuck off tim_ he watched _Go to hell Drake_ pop up.

"Smug bastard," Damian mumbled.

 

"Hey Dick." Tim looked up from his phone suddenly, brow furrowed. "you got all of Damian's weapons right?"

"Of course." Dick held his cup under his nose. "I wouldn't send them out together if he were armed."

"So you found all his hiding spots?"

"Under the bed," Dick said, holding up a finger. "Floorboard in the closet. Ceiling tiles in the hallway. Inside his old history textbook. Bottom of the cereal box that neither of us like. Yup, got ‘em."

"What about his stash in Alfred's bed?"

Dick froze, cup almost pressed to his lips. "His what now?"

He and Tim stared at each other.

"Sorry," Tim said. "For what it's worth he seemed like a pretty nice guy."

 

Jason jumped when he felt the press of something sharp at his back. He had to actively stop himself from punching first and asking questions later since he had a pretty good idea of who was behind him.

"You will not mess this up with your oafishness," Damian said quietly, "or so help me God I will gut you in this cafeteria."

Jason looked around, caught between hoping one of the parents or teachers around them would notice what was going on and hoping that no one would. "One of these days you're gonna sneak up on me and I'm going to stab you on reflex."

"By all means Todd. Make my day."

"Come on man, I thought we were bonding!"

"We were not bonding!" Damian squeezed his arm with a frankly alarming amount of strength. "You will keep your mouth shut and this will be over as painlessly as possi—“

"Woah, hey Damian!" He heard someone call out. "I thought you said you weren't going to come?"

"Oh hell." Whatever was poking Jason vanished as Damian turned around.

There was a blonde teenager standing behind them, smile gleeful. Judging by the lanyard and the pink nametag on her chest she was probably a volunteer.

"What an unwelcome surprise," Damian said.

"Good to see you too, brat."

"Hi," Jason said. He straightened out his jacket and hoped that he didn't look like he'd been recently contemplating knocking out a child. "Friend of yours?"

"Not at all."

"Holy crap, is this your other brother?" the girl said, staring at Jason. "He doesn't really look like how you and Tim described him but I can see the resemblance. It's nice to finally meet you!"

It took a second for him to realize that he was being mistaken for Dick. "No I—"

Damian reeled back, grimacing. " _Him?_ This man? Ha! Being related to him would be an unacceptable cosmic joke."

"That's a little excessive. Dick is his brother. I'm just his brother's...uh." Shit, how open was Dick with his sexuality? Would outting him at his brother's school be crossing a line? "Work friend."

"Oops, that's my bad. I'm Stephanie." She smiled, pointing at her nametag. He could still see Damian scowling out of the corner of his eye. The intensity of the scowl kind of made him want to hang out with Stephanie even more. "I've got to earn volunteer hours so I babysit the art club after school."

"Jason. A social worker and possibly a murder victim depending on how the night goes."

"Don't worry about it," Stephanie said dismissively. "Beneath that tough evil shell hides the soft squishy soul of an artist."

"I will kill you, Stephanie Brown."

Jason laughed. "Yeah, he’s adorable."

"I will dump your corpse on top of hers when I bury the two of you!"

"Right? Isn't he the cutest?" Stephanie matched his grin. What a great kid.

"Okay, you've met. That's more than enough." Damian shoved his shoulder, trying to steer him away. "Why don't you make yourself useful and go take some pictures?"

"Yeah, guess I probably should." Jason flipped open his phone. "I've gotta send his brother some evidence that we showed up. What’s with the faces?"

Damian and Stephanie stared down at his phone. "Todd, what the hell is that in your hand?" Damian said flatly.

"I'm pretty sure it's a fossil," Stephanie said. "I saw a nature documentary once where a caveman used that to kill a mammoth."

"What, my phone?" Jason said staring at it. He flipped it closed and then open again. "It texts and calls and still works after I dropped it off a building. What's wrong with that?"

"Does that thing even have a camera?" Stephanie asked, tilting her head.

"Of course it does." Jason clicked around. "Somewhere. I think."

"I'm literally in hell," Damian muttered.

"Do you want to borrow my phone? The camera's pretty good. Just give me Dick’s number and I can—"

"You can go to hell is what you can do, you lecherous harpy," Damian snapped. “Like I'd ever give you his number."

"Woah, watch your mouth!" Jason said. Before he could say anything else Stephanie had Damian in a headlock.

"Don't worry about it." Stephanie said. "I'm used to it."

Damian flailed in her arms but from the fact that no weapons came out Jason guessed the girl wasn’t on the kid's shit list. "You literally know nothing about him! Stop trying to hit on him."

"I'm not trying to hit on him," Stephanie said innocently. "I just wanted to be a responsible student assistant and learn more about my favorite student's family and maybe see why all the teachers say he's super hot and really sweet. He doesn't have a girlfriend, does he Jason?"

"Sorry, I'm pretty sure Dick doesn't think anyone under 18 has even heard of sex," Jason said. Not what she'd asked but technically true. Dick's ability to completely miss teenagers hitting on him was oddly charming. "He'd probably try to adopt you."

 

"Stunning isn't it?" The woman next to him said. Her breath smelled like wine. "For someone so young she has such an eye for color composition."

Jason stared up at the painting of a house. "It's nice."

"My daughter Cindy painted it actually." She leaned over and winked at him. "All the ladies in the family are very talented."

"Art. Great stuff. I like how the sun has sunglasses. It's cool."

"She dabbles into absurdism from time to time."

Jason snapped a picture with Damian's phone and then backed away as quickly as he could.

A couple other people talked to him while he was walking around. Damian had run off who knows where as soon as he'd given Jason his phone. Given the amount of drunk parents he was a little insulted at how much Damian didn’t want to be seen with him. At least he'd bothered to show up sober.

He got a few "which one is yours?" from parents which felt like a bit much. He didn't look that old.

He really should've asked if Dick was out or not. Sure, he'd given Jason some vibes but it's not like he'd ever said anything. Jason didn't really talk about his sexuality at work literally ever (or anything else about his life because it wasn't anyone's fucking business) but Dick was less withholding and more emotionally stable so shit. Maybe he was out.

"So you're Damian's...?" another parent asked politely.

"Babysitter," Jason said firmly.

With notable exceptions Jason really preferred hanging out with kids. Half the time the fact that he rode a motorcycle was enough to gain their respect. They were generally unpretentious and didn't make him feel like a high school dropout who got most of his information from the public library. They also didn't get drunk and hit on him in really confusing ways.

"Could be feeding Dick soup and watching soap operas," Jason muttered under his breath. "Getting all snuggly and chugging Benadryl."

Jason's phone vibrated. It was a text from Dick this time. _I really appreciate you doing this for me. I owe you one_

"Damn it."

His phone vibrated again. _PS: Damian is probably armed so maybe keep an eye out for that_. And then a few seconds later _PPS: the soup is really great. You're amazing_

Jason stared at the conveniently timed texts and then looked around. "Dick, if you're somehow reading my mind the thing about throwing your brother in a dumpster was a joke."

 

 

As much as Jason didn't want to admit it, Damian's piece was pretty fucking good. It was a water color of Dick (and Tim surprisingly enough) sitting on the balcony of their apartment. Their faces weren't visible but Dick had his legs sticking through the bars of the railing and was gesturing in the way he always did when he talked. Jason kinda loved it.

"Fuck, he's actually talented," Jason mumbled.

"I know, right?" Stephanie said from beside him.

Jason stared at it for a few more moments before looking away. "I forgot to ask but how do you know Tim?"

"Hm? Oh." Stephanie shrugged. "We used to date."

"No shit? I'd love to hear all about that."

"It was a lot. We’re still friends but it was kind of like dating Hannibal Lecter some times."

"Huh." The two of them stared at Damian’s painting again. "Hey, got any embarrassing ex-boyfriend stories you'd like to share?"

Stephanie perked up. "You have no idea."

 

They ended up talking for a while which Jason figured was a much better way to kill time until Damian won first place and they could finally leave.

 

Damian got second place.

"What the fuck," Jason said loudly. Several people beside him startled at the outburst but he really didn't care. Damian gave him a glare as he got up and accepted a little plastic medal from their principle. A medal for second place.

"This is bullshit. That is _not_ second place!"

Stephanie buried her face in her hands to hide her smile. A man in the row in front of him turned around and shushed him.

"Don't you shush me, you crusty old fuck!" Someone gasped. Stephanie was doubled over, clutching her stomach. "Shit, sorry. I didn't mean that."

"You're right to be upset," the old woman at his right whispered. "This happened with my grandson last year. Cindy never loses anything when her mom is sleeping with the principle."

"Miranda!" The lady next to her said.

The woman huffed and folded her hands in her lap. "It's not my fault the woman is a slut."

Stephanie nearly fell out of her chair.

"Jesus lady," Jason said. He leaned back in his folded chair. "I don't remember my middle school having this kind of drama."

 

He found Damian outside a while later, leaning against Dick's car. It'd stopped raining and he was scowling heavily. Possibly at him but it could've just been his resting-face scowl. He couldn't really tell the difference yet, though Dick had insisted that it was there and it was obvious. "Took you long enough."

"Sorry. I got held up talking to some of the moms. They’re vicious."

"Whatever. Unlock the car already."

Jason stared at Dick's keys, unsure what to say. He doubted Damian wanted anything encouraging from him. "You know you only lost because your school's apparently corrupt as shit."

"I'm aware."

"Your painting was really good."

Damian's scowl deepened. "Enough. Your attachment to my brother doesn't require you to play nice with me. You've done your job, leave it at that."

"I don't like you enough to play nice," Jason said. It was only a bit of a lie. "Your painting rocked. Really."

Damian looked away, staring at his shoes. " _Tt_. Obviously. If anyone doesn't recognize that then they're clearly blind."

"Yeah." Jason felt the gears in his head turning and a very bad idea taking shape. "Hey, are you up for teaching your principle something about art?"

 

Stephanie pointed out the car to them without asking a single question. "I didn't deal with his shit every day after school for second place," she said by way of explanation. If he wasn't already starting to like her then that would've done it.

 

"Now what you wanna do," Jason said, standing in front of the car. "Is cover a large surface area. That way it'll take more to buff out." He pressed his key into the driver's side door and dragged it along the side before rounding it off.

"What the hell is that?" Damian asked.

Jason dragged the key back along the car. "I figure it's pretty obvious."

"Yes, I assume it's a penis. I was trying to imply that you suck at art.”

"Alright then, show me what you've got, kid." Jason tossed him his keys.

Damian caught them with a sadistic grin. "Observe." He walked over to the other side of the car. Jason looked on over his shoulder and watched him work.

"There." Damian threw the keys back to him.

Jason whistled. "Now that's a detailed dick."

"I thought being anatomically correct would suit me better. But I doubt he'll even notice my obvious talent."

Jason shook his head. "Some people just don't get art. Okay, let's get out of here."

"Ah, just a moment." Damian dug something out of his pocket and then stabbed it into the nearest tire. It popped loudly.

"What the hell is that thing?" Jason stared at the weapon in Damian's hand.

"My shuriken?" Damian yanked it out. "It was a gift from my mother a long time ago. I usually prefer not to leave home with it but Richard confiscated most of my more subtle weapons."

"Whatever Naruto, let's just go."

 

"Oh thank god," Dick said as soon as they walked in. Tim not so subtly tossed Dick a 20.

"Hello to you too,” Jason said. He grabbed Tim on the shoulder as the kid was turning to leave. "For the record, you are totally forgiven."

"Listen, there were extenuating circumstances," Tim started to say. "Wait, what?"

"I said we're good. Don't worry about it." Jason winked and gave him a pat on the shoulder. "Steph says hi by the way."

For his part Tim kept a surprisingly straight face. "Touché."

"What about you Damian?” Dick asked. “Did you have fun?”

"It was a farce. Just as I predicted.” He tossed Dick his second place medal.

Dick smiled down at the medal and then back up at Damian. "Does that mean I can't buy your painting and hang it up?"

Damian grumbled. "Do as you like. I'm going to bed."

When they were alone he sat down beside Dick again. "You still look like crap. How do you feel?"

"Sleepy. I took some Nyquil earlier and I've been forcing myself not to fall asleep for like an hour."

"Dude, why didn't you go to sleep?"

"'Cause I had to make sure my brother didn't kill you but I kinda forgot about that before I took the NyQuil."

"How heroic of you."

"It’s a cop thing. Did I miss anything fun?"

Jason shrugged. "Nah, not really. I think I got added to the PTA mom's group chat, so I guess that happened."

"Holy crap," Dick said. "It took me months to get into the group chat. Sounds like you fit right in."

"I got fast tracked because I called everyone's least favorite dad a "crusty old fuck". Middle aged suburban mom's are pretty scary.”

"That’s very true. Damn, I wish I could've gone. You should come with me next time."

"Absolutely not!" Damian yelled from the room next to theirs.

"Go to sleep!" Dick yelled back. He lowered his voice. "You should come with me."

"I don't know. If you'd be fine with it. Then I guess…"

Dick nodded eagerly.

"Okay. We're going to need to backtrack on me introducing myself as your "coworker who lost a dare" though."

"Why didn't you just say you’re my boyfriend?"

_Because I'm an idiot and thought you might be embarrassed to be dating me and holy shit Dick called me his boyfriend._

Jason cleared his throat. "Panicked."

He turned over, laying his head in Dick's lap and letting his legs hang over the couch. It made it harder for Dick to see that he'd started blushing. He had an image to maintain after all. Dick pet his head softly.

"So what did I miss?" He gestured towards the TV.

"Ashely," Dick said, pointing, "is sleeping with her professor but she doesn't know that he kills people on Craigslist."

"Gross."

"And he doesn't know that _she's_ actually a 30 year old black widow and not a college freshmen."

"Now we're talking."

"Also he has a secret family in Nebraska and she just found out she's pregnant. I give it like ten more minutes until she finds his murder shed and uses the rat poison she's been hiding in her purse. Hey, no offense but how are you alive?"

"Trade secret."

"Damian is in a good mood."

"Really?"

"That was his happy scowl. I could spot it a mile away." Dick leaned against the couch, eyes shut. "What'd you guys do?"

Jason could feel his nose starting to tingle from whatever cat hair was coating the couch but he was willing to ignore it since Dick was too dozy to remember his allergy. So he just sniffed and gave Dick his most noncommittal shrug.

"Nothing big. We just bonded over some art."


End file.
